Why I want to be a Loser..

I mean come on! Every one wants to be a loser right!

Its one of the top resolution most people write on their resolution list.

#1. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT!

Guess what? Me too! No, i'm not the typical I-want-to-be-stick-thin woman that you see on the streets, or the hold-on-to-me-before-the-wind-blows-me-away woman. I don't really care about what i shove in my mouth, i eat whenever i am hungry, and sometimes, whenever my friends are hungry too. (That's why we have supper outings lor!) Ahemz. To those of you who've been calling me fatty natx, you all have to take some blame also k?! Especially those of you who eat supper with me... Grrrr... Like.. How the hell am i suppose to not eat when i see you gobbling down my favorite bites?!

For the facts and figures, for most of my life, my weight bounces from 48 to 50kg most of the time. Since secondary school days. Only some 2 - 3 years back, where sicknesses hit me all the time, and the recent 1 year ago operation, happen to dip my weight far back. At my thinnest, I was a 43kg. I had tonsillitis then, and my throat swelled so much, i was unable to put any food in. Not even porridge. Doctor advised me to eat ice cream and nothing else. I didn't know i was supposed to be in heaven or hell. Eating ice cream all day and all night seemed good. But.... I was only able to eat vanilla ice cream.. Which, after a few days became boring.

After 2 weeks, and mountains of ice cream, my throat improved. So did my figure. I dropped to 43kg. My waist was probably a 24 - 25inch then. I still had my little bulge of flab on my tummy but i was slim! Not healthy slim, but frail slim. If you get what i mean. As much as I hoped to maintain my figure then, I couldn't resist eating after my throat recovered. Being able to gobble every dish and taste everything again excited me. I hit every single buffet in town. Had Sakura - the Japanese buffet 3 times a week for that month. It was a celebration of recovery.

Two weeks, was all it took, to bring me back to where I started. 50kg. Over time, with stress and insomnia, my weight stayed around 45kg to 48kg. Till much recently, when bf went for 1 month trip to work, in Thailand.. I started learning how to cook, and learning how to bake. Food seemed to be a good companion while I read my books and stared at my laptop while finding recipes. I love reading, and can work through 3 plates of fried rice, and 2 scrambled eggs, 6 palm sized pork chops without realizing it.

He developed a drinking habit when he was there. Drinking every night. And he too, put on alot of weight. When he came back, he continued his drinking sessions, bringing me along with him. We went to Thai clubs, neighbourhood drinking joints. etc. Again, to celebrate him being back with me, he brought me out everyday, finding different places to dine each time...

To make up for the lost time we had while he was in Thailand, he made it up for it with a Phuket trip, which we booked really last minute, for just the 2 of us. We went there free and easy, so its like 6 days of SEAFOOD, FULL DAY BOOZE & TOM YUM SOUP. I thought i wouldn't put on much weight since we walked alot - shopping mah! And walking to roadside food.. =X We had like 5 meals a day there, not including the snacks from roadside stores, and those we bought back to hotel and eat.. Every morning we wake up we go for breakfast, and we head to the beach and noon and suntan... And the man just keeps selling us booze, which entitles us to a tanning bed on the beach..

No doubt when we came back, it seems to be either my clothes all shrink, or my body expanded in the sun... It seemed to be the latter. Then the following month in december, we went Genting and KL for a short holiday with Alvin again. Its like you have 2 choices: GAMBLE or EAT. We even bought maggi noodles back to hotel room in case we got hungry we eat at night. FYI, we bought 6 packets to standby at hotel room.. Haha.. that is, on top of the meals we eat outside already...

In addition to that, I have Low Blood Pressure. And I get frequent dizzy spells everytime my pressure goes low. So I tend to eat or crave for certain food when I get dizzy. And when i find the particular food i'm craving for, I'll shove 2 servings in mouth before I stop. And this keeps going on and on... Together with the regular suppers everyday now, and the Chinese New Year visiting recently, I've hit the highest i've ever been. 54kg.

I can't fit into all my skinny jeans now. Neither can I fit into some of my Tshirts. I just wear Dearie's Tees to cover up. So with my new found determination, i'm gonna embark on my slimming routine... Will share more on that on my later posts..

Are you with me? =D